Today, I sang at the funeral of a stranger. I watched them close the lid on the casket, I listened to the pastor read her obituary, and heard him tells stories of her and mention that she had told him, “Live each day to the fullest.” I wept. At first I felt silly and embarrassed—I didn’t know her. Then, I felt relief. I felt relief that I am able to feel things deeply and have an empathetic spirit. Also, I felt relief that I am able to shed tears while on my new meds. I was afraid that I was going to feel better but not be able to feel.
Today, I changed my plan. I made brave decisions and re-arranged the course of my history. Which is just a fancy way to say that I called off work to have a “me” day instead of an “all the rest of y’all” day.
Today, I will write, read, walk, and nap.