This week at church, Pastor T Bake was sharing her thoughts about centering prayer and challenged us to be still. “Find 5 or 10 minutes in your day and sit in silence.” This seems to present a difficult task for most of us silly humans. We have stuff to do! We are soooo busy doing very important things. I want to be still, but I just don’t have the time! Silly humans are soooo full of shit and soooo full of themselves.
That was 3 days ago and I haven’t been still yet. This morning I was looking for a necklace in my “B Team” jewelry area. I have a few small jewelry boxes that I have collected over time and one that I open occasionally that hasn’t made music in so many years that I guess I forgot that it even made music. I opened the box and it started playing a song. I closed the box. I opened the box again—music! I stood there and listened for a round through the whole song—no idea what the song was, just a little Spanish melody of some sort.
AHA! This could be my “being still” time!!! I will DO THIS. I kept listening, standing still, listening, and thinking…uh oh…thinking…what if the music box stops playing in the middle of the tune? I could wind it up but it may stop working again. Okay, I’ll just close the box at the end of the song. But, what if this is my chance to just be still? What if this is my last chance to hear this jewelry box share its music? What if it stopped in the unresolved middle somewhere? I am unresolved in the middle somewhere, too. I am not a complete song. I am in verse 3 somewhere I think.
Did God send me a sign with this music box? Did I make it a sign? Did I just need to be still and finally found a reason to do so? Did God get so bored taking care of the rest of the universe that he zapped the music box so I could have a moment of clarity? Did someone sneak in to my house and wind up the music box? I can talk myself in and out of any scenario. It is absolutely exhausting.
I do not know the answer. I do know it was difficult to be still. I was barely still for a couple of minutes while the music played and slowed and slowed. I rooted for the song to keep going a few more notes…….nope. Unresolved.
So, I find myself now with another reason to write and feel and sit and think and smile and be still.