I fear

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I live in fear. I fear failure. I fear disappointment and disappointing others. I fear pain–all kinds of pain. It is exhausting to live this way. And I keep swimming…until I get a leg cramp that slows me down. And I keep swimming…until my muscles ache and give out. I panic and fear that I will drown. I take a deep breath and give up. I will drown. I am drowning. My fear is now reality. Breathe, cough, breathe, and breathe.   I am floating. I cannot move and yet, I am floating. I surrender to the lilt and drift, I am not drowning. I will not drown this time.

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